Is it Imposter Syndrome or do I actually suck at appreciating my successes?

When I was a teenager, my mom used to tell me that I “undersell” myself. She insisted I was much more capable than I led people to believe. But I never felt comfortable with that praise—mostly because I still remember her complaining that while I was good at many things, I was never “the best” at any of them.

I got this habit of not posting much on social media, even though I think it is something I should—especially about the success of projects I’ve finished. I can’t quite tell if I’m just trying to avoid being boastful, or if it’s a deeper sense of shame. I often feel like I haven’t done enough to earn the spotlight, especially compared to all the people who helped me and worked tirelessly to bring my visions to life whom I’m eternally grateful for.

I mean I might help kickstart a project, but I struggle with the follow-through. I’m not great at management or delegating, and when the stress hits, I tend to spiral until someone else has to step in and pick up the pieces, which I keep blaming it on my clinical depression. I’ve read about Imposter Syndrome, and I seem to tick all the boxes. But because this is a self-diagnosis and not one from a professional, I worry:

“Am I actually dealing with a psychological trait, or am I just using a label to excuse my own failures?”

Industrial engineer to sustainability to music business (?)

My educational background is in Industrial Engineering—both Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. Before my music career began, I worked at ERM-Siam, a branch of the global consulting firm ERM (Environmental Resources Management on the Sustainability and Climate Change team. I didn’t like it; I was still holding on to my dream of working in music, which I pursued on the side fronting an indie band called Cigarette Launcher.

We had a minor hit on the (now defunct) 104.5FM Fat Radio, which evolved into today’s Cat Radio. That gave me some street cred as a musician and introduced me to friends and mentors from the indie promoter community, Mind The Gap.

Things really kicked off when I went to Boston for my MBA at Hult. I interned at a music-tech startup called Indie Ambassador, working on their EPK & Portfolio web app, Presskit.to. It gave me a ringside view of how American indie bands were “making it.” I found myself analyzing the US music ecosystem against the one back home in Thailand, using the research capabilities I’d picked up from my consulting days.

The turning point was traveling to SXSW in 2013 with the Presskit.to crew. I took everything in—I researched, analyzed, and obsessed over My conclusion: Thailand needed a platform like this to elevate our entire music industry. I returned home a few months later determined to launch my own music startup, Indie Campfire, hoping one day I could create my own version of SXSW.

I presented the idea to my dad (with a deck of 100+ slides), and to my surprise, he was supportive. He had never supported my music before, fearing I’d end up a “struggling musician,” but I think he saw this as a business venture rather than a hobby.

I dove into the startup scene—pitching at competitions and joining hackathons—but I never won. I wasn’t even close. I was technically unemployed and living with my parents when my mom dropped the hammer: “I don’t know what you do. I can’t explain it to my friends. Why don’t you work and make money like the others? I’m not proud of you at all.”

That really hurt, honestly. Just to stop the complaining, I started applying for “real” jobs. I landed an interview for a sustainability position at a major Thai cement company. Sitting in the room, I realized I was likely the best candidate there—so I intentionally sabotaged it. I told the panel that the moment my startup launched, I’d quit.

Obviously, I didn’t get the job, and I eventually had to put the startup idea on hold. I took a role as a course counselor at SAE Institute – an audio and film production school as a course counsellor, eventually moving into marketing. On the side, I wrote for ViewPlusMagazine interviewing music people, and curated music from Thailand for Beehy.pe. I wasn’t making money and I didn’t love the day job, but I finally had my foot in the door of the industry.

Then came a family lunch that changed everything. My little sister, who was in a famous indie band Yellow Fang, handed me a brochure for Fungjai—a new startup building a “Spotify for Thai indie music.” I reached out to the founder, ‘Top’ Saran Pinyarat, immediately. I volunteered, eventually quit my job to join them full-time, and ultimately earned the title of co-founder.

Dream-job to nightmares to dream-come-true (?)

We registered the company in November 2014—exactly a month after I got married. We launched the app and organized countless events. Eventually, we were acquired by the Ookbee Group after the founder, ‘Moo’ Natavudh Pungcharoenpong, read about us in MGR business magazine. It was a journey of massive successes and crushing failures. There were projects I loved and others I absolutely hated; the latter eventually drove me into a full-blown clinical depression that I still manage with daily medication today.

As for that SXSW-inspired dream, it took years of designing, pitching, and reiterating. I faced endless rejections and saw partners fall away, going back to the drawing board more times than I can count. But through fate or luck, I kept meeting people who helped me get closer.

In 2015, at Music Matters in Singapore, I met Summer Kim, who later introduced me to Cecilia Soojeong Yi. She got me to Zandari Festa in Seoul, where I met Joshua Tan who was working at The Esplanade in Singapore at the time, who hooked me up with an entire music network. Later, in during the Golden Melody Awards (GMA) 2016 in Taipei, my friend Orbis Fu took me backstage at The Wall that he was then running to meet James Minor, then the VP of SXSW Music. I blurted out questions about starting a festival, and he was kind enough to give me honest advice, and became a really good friends ever since.

Then, I met ‘Tom’ Pongsiri Hetrakul, who was pitching his own version of a music showcase called “Bangkok Music Capital” to the Thailand Convention & Exhibition Bureau (TCEB). The officials at TCEB looked at both of us and simply asked, “Why don’t you guys just work together on this?” We did exactly that. In November 2019, Bangkok Music City (BMC)—Thailand’s first international music conference and showcase festival—was finally born.

Then COVID-19 hit. It derailed BMC, and despite our efforts with virtual events, a lack of funding forced us to postpone the project indefinitely. Yet, a new door opened. I had built a network of friends, especially David Siow, who became my “accidental roommate” at the Bajafash festival founded by the mother of our mutual friend, Imam Mbudz. Together with many other colleagues, we launched the ASEAN Music Showcase Festival in 2020. What started as a virtual lifeline for Southeast Asian artists eventually went physical in 2022 in Singapore with the help from the National Arts Council (NAC) of Singapore.

The festival finally went physical in 2022 in Singapore. However, in 2023, we hit a snag: the official ASEAN organization denied our request to use their name in our name. We rebranded as AXEAN Festival swapping the ‘S’ with ‘X’ that symbolizes collaboration and crossing borders, and by 2024, we moved the event to Jimbaran Hub in Bali, Indonesia, who are still our venue partner today.

But back to BMC, it was fate again that I was contacted by Bill Werde, Director of the Bandier Program at Syracuse University about his music business field trip for this students to Thailand that got me to meet with Neil Thompson, CEO of Live Nation Tero, and after meeting over coffee, he agreed to partner up and relaunch BMC in 2025.

Holy shit… I am now a co-founder of two of Southeast Asia’s biggest music conferences and showcase festivals (?)

The latest Bangkok Music City edition was between 23-25 January 2026 with 8 stages scattered around the Chareonkrung Creative District featuring 45 Thai artists and 40 international artists from 15 countries/territories, with at least 128 Thai delegates and 241 international delegates from 29 countries/territories.

The latest AXEAN Festival was last September featuring 19 Indonesian artists and 28 international artists from 12 countries/territories, with 36 Indonesian delegates and 133 international delegates 23 countries/territories, which we are now planning for the 2026 edition for 28-30 August 2026.

I thank everyone of you, although I may have forgotten to mention you…

In truth, I often feel like an imposter. I look at what has been achieved and feel I can’t take credit—it was the help of others and the hand of Lady Luck. This feeling keeps me from posting; I’m terrified that in my attempt to thank people, I’ll miss a name and cause someone pain. It makes me want to curl into my shell and hope for their silent forgiveness.

Beyond the depression, I also struggle with some level of social anxiety. It’s a strange irony: I love music, yet I often hate being in the middle of a crowded festival. I feel out of place at parties, but I love carving out a quiet corner to talk passionately to one person about a random artist or a nerdy documentary. I find myself declining invitations to the very events I believe are essential to our ecosystem—supporting them from a distance where I feel safe.

I want to dedicate this post—and express my eternal gratitude—to the person I call the “Secret Godmother of Thai Indie Music.” and perhaps the godmother of the Southeast Asian scene, too, because she is the one who picks me up every time I go off the rails and pays my bills when I am broke: my lovely wife. Today, we celebrate our 27th “boyfriend-girlfriend” anniversary, which is more important than our wedding anniversary itself that is a mere dozen years.

To those of you who love music and support the creators: I wish you a happy, fulfilling life. You are doing something vital for the world—filling it with the sounds that keep us all going.

Signing off… sincerely,

Py the Friendly Drunk Thai Guy.